Perfectionism is the striving for the utmost excellence, free from being wrong or failing, having no flaws. But it is also pain, because to be perfect is not in our nature. We are human. We make mistakes. Making mistakes is part of how we learn.
However, in modern society, many of us are taught how to seek perfection. And this is a struggle that we can never attain. We push and punish ourselves in this painful journey. If we are not perfect, whatever that means as it is always shifting, then we are wrong, we are bad. And no wants to be these things.
What we learn with perfectionism, is how to deny parts of ourselves and put on a facade of perfectionism. We can’t actually attain it. So, we do the next best thing, we fake it. And we turn away from our innate humanness. We turn away from who we are.
Listen to some of my battle, my fight against perfectionism in the video below. And how that entangles with growth and discovering new abilities.
So how do we become okay with being human? And eventually, maybe even embrace it?
Well, like I touched on in the video, one of the things we can do is allow for ourselves, and others, to be wrong. We allow for mistakes. We allow for imperfection. And then when this happens, to meet it with love and compassion. Oftentimes, this is more easily stated that done. Especially when we are not in spaces that are created to be safe for being wrong. And loving ourselves. Oh truly loving ourselves. And not finding our self-worth in being right or wrong. But all of this can seem like big and overwhelming steps.
So here are a few small steps we can all take today.
- Feel love. Visualize it and feel it around you. Think of a time you felt loved, truly just loved as you are. Or imagine what it would feel like to be truly, unconditionally loved and accepted. Give those feelings to yourself. Wrap yourself in them. Any time you feel wrong and the need for perfection, just give yourself this love.
- Practice being wrong. Practice being imperfect. Ask questions when you don’t understand. This is especially powerful if your perfectionism is tied to getting A’s, tied to knowing the “right” answer or getting something right the first time. Then when you are practicing being wrong, practicing asking questions when you don’t understand or don’t know something, go back to step one. Feel love.
- I talked about this above, but separate your worth from being right or wrong. One small step in this is that we can repeat affirmations of our worth. “I am worthy because I am me.” “I have value because I do.” We all have value and worth simply because we are human. It is intrinsic to us. We are all divine. We are all made of the same divine stuff, the same divine energy. “I am divine.” And so, we all have value and worth simply because we are who we are. Repeat the quoted affirmations to yourself each day. Meditate on them. Work magic around them. Breathe them in. Let them settle in your energy.
Try these small steps. See how they feel for you. Keep at them. It takes time to reprogram our minds, our reactions, and our beliefs. I know you can do this. Because I am doing it, and I am human too.
May we all win our battles against perfectionism.
Tell me about your fight against perfectionism. And tell me how these small steps work for you in the comments below.