33. Why doing it someone else’s way doesn’t work
In this episode, I talk about the importance of doing money mindset work your way. I cover examples of how others have made it work for them, and potential consequences of trying to force yourself into a box that isn’t aligned for you. You are the magic piece of this work!
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Transcription
Welcome to Episode 33 of the Money Mindset Shift! You’ve heard from a lot of different people recently about their money mindset journeys and what has worked for them. But there is one big reason why doing it someone else’s way doesn’t work for you.
Before you hear about why that is, let’s reflect for a moment.
You’ve heard from clients of mine, peers, and friends. They all defined money mindset in slightly different ways. And all created their own relationships with money.
Melissa is a client of mine. She worked with me 1:1 to improve her relationship with money and bring it to a more neutral space where she can exercise her ability to choose.
For Elle, a former client, it wasn’t so much a focus on money, but on pleasure. She realized, she had never, not been taken care of. And by leaning into what gives her pleasure, the money came.
Lori, a beautiful soul and friend, found her own on ramp through improv and creating her own exercises for play. Through all of this, she saw not just how her relationship with money reflected her relationship with herself, but also relationships from her childhood, and how societal structures perpetuated auto piloting.
My dear friend Ardelia discovered Human Design and it was like a light bulb went off. She saw how her relationships with money, work, and rest were distorted through society and created pressure within her energy. Through her own experiment with Human Design, she began to release those pressures and began to improve her relationship with money.
Olivia, a peer and friend, shared that she uses the 7 feminine archetypes for healing and empowerment, but also abundance. In her episode, money really wasn’t separate from the rest of her life. Empowerment in one area led to empowerment in others.
Lastly, my friend and peer, Eve spoke about money mindset and personal style. On her journey to change her relationship with clothing and style, she developed guidelines for herself, which in turn influenced and improved her relationship with money.
If you haven’t listened to their episodes, please do so! But before you do, I invite you to take a moment to reflect. What commonalities did you just hear in my review? What stood out?
There are many things you can take from this reflection. But there is one in particular I want to highlight that goes along with why doing things someone else’s way doesn’t work. And it’s that number one reason.
Each podcast guest had to do it their own way. While they found tools to give a system to their relationship with money and provide some insight, they each took a framework from that system and applied it as it worked for them.
And the same goes for you.
As a therapist may say – “You are the expert on your life.”
That doesn’t mean the therapist isn’t good or competent at doing therapy. In actuality, they probably are. They likely have training and experience under their belt. They know what tools tend to work for which kind of situations. They’re able to reflect back to you their observations. And they are committed to continuing their education.
But the therapist hasn’t lived your life. You have.
You’ve had certain experiences, and they affected you in unique ways. You exist in unique constellations of cultures, norms, communities, ancestry, etc. The way you experience your intersectional identities is going to be different than the next person.
While yes, there are unifying features of lives and experiences, there are still differences just because you are you.
Melissa has different experiences than Elle. Elle has different experiences than Lori. And Lori from Ardelia. And so on.
And their experiences and lives are all different from yours.
You are your own person. You are not anybody else.
That’s why doing it someone else’s way, be it money mindset, healing, etc., doesn’t always work for you.
You will have to take the framework and make it your own to one extent or another – just as the podcast guests have, just as I have.
So, as you are doing the money mindset work, or anything else – remember that other person isn’t you, take their guidance and make it work for you.
How do you make it work for you then?
You remember your authority in your own life.
Take what is being given to you and filter it through your authority. Your knowledge of yourself. Your experiences. Experiment with the framework, and see what fits.
Some things won’t click or align, and that is okay. Allow that to be the case.
You do not have to cut off or remove parts of yourself to fit their framework. And if somebody tells you that that is the case, they are wrong. If somebody says “well you’re just not doing it right” and you have tried, it is okay to move on. It is more than okay. And in fact, sometimes it is necessary.
I’ve had friends who have been in these situations. Friends, clients, peers. And what happens is it makes it more difficult for them later.
One, they usually get burnt out because it’s not aligned for them, it doesn’t work for them, and they’re trying to cut off pieces of themselves or fit themselves into boxes that they shouldn’t be in.
And so they start to get burnt out and stressed, and their business suffers, their life suffers, their health even suffers sometimes.
So while I said it’s more than okay to walk away in those cases, it’s also sometimes more than necessary to walk away in those cases in order to protect yourself.
And that’s good. So don’t feel shame, or blame, or like it didn’t work out for you or that or did something wrong. That one is just not for you, and it’s okay to move on.
Sometimes this is easier said than done, but above all, remember, you are the magic piece. Make the aligned framework work for you, not the other way around.
And that is why doing it someone else’s way may not work for you! Because you are you, and you are the magic piece.
In the next episode you’ll learn what to do when you aren’t having a great money month. So make sure to subscribe to the Money Mindset Shift podcast if you haven’t already!
And I’ll see you then!
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