When you come into the realm of spiritual learning, you meet a lot of coaches, gurus, guides, teachers, mentors, and more. They seem to have a lot of knowledge and wisdom, and so you want to learn more. Well, this is how to decide if a coach is right for you before you hire or begin working with anyone.
How to decide if a coach is right for you –
Some people just don’t jive together. But some are also predators and toxic.
So how do you know if a coach is right for you?
You do your homework.
And here are some questions you can ask yourself.
What message are they spreading?
Everyone is probably talking about how they can help. That is what these professions do – they help people.
However, it is a red flag when they talk about how they are the ONLY one who can help you. Or their way is the ONLY way.
There are 7.7 billion people on the planet. There is no way they are the only one or they have the only way.
But also, everyone has different experiences, life situations, perspectives, personalities, abilities, etc. There is no one size fits all.
Also, further ask yourself if the message applies to your life.
It may or may not. And this isn’t a red flag so much as a consideration to take. You may avoid working with someone who may not actually be able to help you if it doesn’t apply to your life or what you want.
What are they promising?
This sort of goes along with their message, but also what are they selling you on? What results are they promising?
One red flag is if the results and promise of results is grandiose. By this I mean – is it exaggerated? Is it like beyond life size? It is like nearly impossible?
The example of the salesman selling the elixir to life is a good example here. Are they promising the cure to all your problems, and all you have to do is drink or do exactly what they say?
Right now, we don’t know of any such thing. And again, people are all unique individuals. Some things work best for one person but not for another.
Some people will achieve stellar results, and some will not. That is the normal scope of things. No one can promise any one result.
What goes along with this is, which results are they sharing? Are they honest about all the results people get? Or are they only selling you on the top 1%?
This is partially how marketing just tends to be, but it is also worth knowing what the average results or the scope of results may be. And a good question is are they willing to talk to you about that.
Are they practicing what they preach, so to speak?
Are they embodying their teachings? Are they walking the walk or just talking? Will they and have they done what they ask of you? Or what they teach/talk about?
You can begin by looking at their social media posts and blog posts, if they have any. (For example, you can find my blog posts here.)
Sometimes people will share things that haven’t applied directly to their life, but have helped those they work with.
But when they practice none of what they preach, this can be more than just a sign to not work with them – it can be a red flag. But especially when in conjunction with other signs.
How are they interacting with people?
And I do mean like are they kind? Do they respect other people’s autonomy and free will? Are they respectful when people tell them “no” or do they get pushy? (You can check for toxic behaviors by looking at a Power and Control wheel, like this one here.)
But especially, how do they interact with people when they think no one is watching. Because a lot of people can put on masks or faces for the public.
You may not get the opportunity to check that one out, which is why it is important to do more research. Seek out more answers.
And how do they treat people when they are stressed or tired or having a bad day?
We are all human and we aren’t perfect. I am even sometimes sharp and mean when I am tired, stressed, or having a bad day. That is human. But do they act in a reasonable manner? (Obviously reasonable being subjective.)
And again, no one is perfect. So, if they are appearing perfect all the time, you can probably bet that it is fake.
Do they have reviews or people who have worked with them that you can reach out too?
Sometimes people are going to be new to the scene and not have reviews to share. That happens.
But it can be a red flag when they have a lot of negative reviews. Kind of like when looking at purchasing a product online. Are a significant number of the reviews negative?
And if there is someone you can reach out to, ask them if they would be willing to discuss their experiences because you are considering taking on a coach. Trust them if they tell you that the coach is a predator or toxic.
It can also be advantageous to ask a couple of people for their experiences as not everyone will have the exact same experience with that coach.
Do they offer discovery or clarity calls?
If you are not familiar with discovery or clarity calls, they are basically conversations between the coach and yourself where you figure out if you are a good fit together.
It isn’t necessarily a red flag if they don’t offer them. But you do want to make sure that you are a good fit together, and you may want to give some extra consideration to working with them before purchasing anything or signing an agreement if they do not offer these types of calls.
What does your gut say?
It is also important to trust yourself. If you have a gut feeling that the coach isn’t right for you, or something doesn’t sit right with you, honor that feeling.
All of this is to say –
consider the questions and who the coach is. (Yes, even me!)
That’s how you decide if a coach is right for you!
Some may not be a good fit for you to work with – so don’t work with them. But especially don’t work with them if there are red flags. And maybe don’t even interact with them.
But if it isn’t a good fit, it isn’t a good fit.
Don’t let anyone pressure you into working with them. <3