Welcome to Episode 36 of The Money Mindset Shift! Let’s real talk how to make money decisions. We’ve all been in that position where it feels like there is no “good” decision. Or that we can’t make the one we really want. So, how do you even make a decision in those situations?
Recently, I was in a similar situation, but instead of money, it had to do with my body.
(CW: talk of sterilization, abortion, and use of the word “rape”)
On August 22nd, I had a bilateral salpingectomy. Which is just medical speak for I got my Fallopian tubes removed.
I knew some years ago that I didn’t really want kids. And I thought being on birth control would be enough.
But I live in the United States. And the Supreme Court overturned Roe v Wade, and among other rulings mentioned that would be sought to be overturned by one of the judges as well – one that had to do with birth control.
And then states after this overturning started to attempt to pass laws limiting and even criminalizing birth control. Including the one I am on. Would I be charged with a crime for entering a state with an IUD in my uterus? Do they even show up on various x-ray and similar machines? Surely it would be in my health records if that was somehow used.
Besides that consideration (which is a lot), I know that as I get older even if I wanted to birth my own child, there will be more risks. I’m currently 32, which isn’t old in any form. But the Mayo Clinic says 35 is “advanced maternal age” – which really just means a point at which pregnancy risks become higher.
With the medical procedure of abortion being outlawed or severely limited in many states, and abortion being the medical procedure for dealing with unhealthy and deathly situations even in the life of the pregnant person – if my life was in danger due to a pregnancy (because of this “advanced maternal age”), the likelihood of myself dying would only increase.
Not to mention any mental and emotional trauma from having to carry a dead fetus. One that I wanted, or being hospitalized due to an infection or what have you.
Obviously I am not a medical expert. But I still have to know these risks to my body.
And I decided I’d rather regret having this surgery, than raising a child with resentment and regret. That would be unfair to the child – and would actually cause them lasting harm.
So, getting sterilized was the decision I made. I could accept regretting having a procedure done rather than regretting having a child or having to deal with my own mortality. So again, getting sterilized was the decision I made, although it mostly felt like being backed into a corner by society and the government, and having to decide.
Ideally, I would have continued using my IUD for birth control. In fact, Mirena had been approved by the FDA in 2021 for use up to 7 years! Which is a bonus! But, given the other information I had at the time of my decision, I did my best to make the most empowered decision I could.
One that I could feel the best about, knowing that it was also okay for me to have mixed feelings. Knowing that I could regret it later, and also knowing that I would rather regret this choice, than another one.
In life, there are many situations where we don’t have the best of choices. And certainly not ideal ones either. This happens with money too.
Which medical needs do you address first when money is limited?
When a program is correct, is something that would help your business, is something that would support your desires, but it would mean putting it on an already nearly full credit card, or less money for your household needs every month – how to you make a good choice?
Which investments do you make? Do you hire a VA even though expenses will be quite a bit tighter? Or do you keep trying to do all the things yourself?
No matter where you are at in life or business, these decisions come up. They may look different at different times, but the struggle is still real.
So, how do you make a good money decision? You don’t.
There are many systems and norms in place around money in every society. I live in the US, so I can definitely say there are many of them here. And these systems don’t stand alone, they overlap, intersect, and compound on each other while being rooted in racism, ableism, misogyny, and overall bigotry and oppression.
No wonder you don’t have the relationship with money that you want to! You aren’t given many, if any, “good” options.
So we have to take “good” out of the equation. Or as my husband says, “you have to get out of that game.”
So instead of “good” what do you consider?
You consider acceptance.
What outcomes or consequences can you accept?
Can you be okay with your credit card being more full? Or even dealing with the anxiety of there being money to keep it below the limit?
Or as outlined in my situation previously, can you be okay regretting this choice more than the other one?
It becomes sort of a game of “would you rather?”
But it is really about taking the difficult, and sometimes shitty, decisions into your own hands, and knowing that you are doing the best you can.
This doesn’t mean there will be an easy answer.
But by taking acceptance into consideration, and following through on your decisions – I would bet you’ll be feeling less like money is controlling you, and more like you have a say in the relationship.
So get out of the game of “good”. And how do you make money decisions? You look at it through the lens of acceptance.
If you found this episode valuable, share it! And if you share it on Instagram, Facebook, or TikTok, make sure to @ me @shelbymelissa!
And of course, I’ll be seeing and hearing from you in the next episode!