The Money Mindset Shift – Episode 40

40. How to deal with credit card guilt

*I swear in this episode

This episode we’ll be touching on a hot, and sometimes painful topic, credit cards. More specifically, credit card guilt. You know that feeling. It’s that sinking feeling, that retreat that happens in your chest, that gasp for air, and desire to look away. Listen to find out how to deal with it!

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Transcription

Welcome to the Money Mindset Shift episode 40! This episode we’ll be touching on a hot, and sometimes painful topic, credit cards. I’m not here to tell you which cards to get, or what to do with them – instead we are covering a bigger issue – how to deal with credit card guilt!

Bum, bum, bumm!!!

Yes, credit card guilt! That feeling you get when you use your credit card, or when you receive your statement, or even when you just look at your balance. It is that sinking feeling, that retreat that happens in your chest, that gasp for air, and desire to look away.

It’s spookier than Halloween or even scary movies sometimes! And this is coming from someone who had to remove their tv from their bedroom for TWO WEEKS after watching The Ring, you know, just in case she decided to crawl out of the tv that second week.

So, yes credit card guilt.

Before we get into dealing with it, let’s take a deep breath here together. As deep of a breath as comfortable for you, breathe in …. and out. Phew!

Let’s start off by stating a fact – using your credit card isn’t inherently bad, in and of itself. The systems around the credit card, the predatory practices, the norms and expectations pertaining to credit cards, etc. are what create an environment ripe for guilt and shame.

Information about credit cards doesn’t seem widely like common knowledge, and companies will take advantage of this lack of information and people’s precarious situations by sending offers in the mail for cards with high interest rates and substantial fees.

In a 2015 report from the Consumer Financial Protection Bureau, they reported finding that some companies were even targeting people with lower education levels in hopes that they would have less education about credit cards and thus would be easier to take advantage of. Pretty fucking gross huh?

In addition to this, credit cards are advertised as money savers, as ways to access goods or services – particularly through reward programs, and something you have to use to access the life you want. And sometimes they are even pitched as ways to bridge the gap and help make ends meet.

So not only are they this thing that’ll skyrocket you to the life that you want, they’re also advertised as this thing to “just help you make ends meet,” you know? Like “it’s just not a big deal.”

Plus, in the United States, we have credit scores that help lenders decide your perceived risk to them. They are needed for all sorts of things from buying a home, to renting, to buying a car – because some of these are bought using loans, like homes and cars, where as with renting, they are assessing your risk. So all in all, they’re like, “will you pay me the money that you’re supposed to pay me?” And a better credit score gets you better goods – like lower loan rates, better terms, etc.

So credit cards are one of the things that factor into credit scores, just as many other things do.

So they are kind of this necessary evil almost – because of how they are used to take advantage of people and keep certain people from accessing certain goods and services. But also are needed for things like accessing the lifestyle that you want, and building that credit score.

All of this is really fucking gross shit right?

Then, while you are sort of backed into this corner and forced to use them, you receive a lot of norms, or expectations, about how you are supposed to use your credit card, what a good credit user looks like, and so on.

Do any of these sound familiar?

• You should pay off your card each month.
• You shouldn’t use it to spend money you don’t have.
• Credit cards are a responsibility, so you must use it wisely.
• It isn’t just free money.
• Why is your balance so high?
• You can’t use it for that expense, you are only supposed to use it for these types of expenses.

And so on, and so on.

So not only do you need it and need to use it, but you are a bad person, a person who isn’t of moral standards if you do use your credit card. It is a trap.

Why? Because it keeps you stuck. It’s meant to facilitate that guilt and shame.

Given the whole system around them – the systems, the norms, the structures, etc., they’re all meant to create that guilt and shame. We go back to that fact that we first started off with: that using your credit card isn’t inherently bad in and of itself.

So, how? How do we deal with this guilt when it comes up? How do you deal with credit card guilt?

Well first, as we’ve been sort of getting to with all of the information so far, is that – it isn’t your fault. You may have made some decisions that weren’t great decisions, but you aren’t really given great choices to begin with. So the high interest rate you have, the balance on your credit card, what you are putting towards for your monthly payments, etc. – none of this is an actual reflection of who you are. They’re reflections of the systems and the choices that you’ve been given.

So again, let’s take another deep breath, and let that pressure go.

And also, this is accepting the situation for what it currently is. This doesn’t mean that you don’t try to make it different, but that you realize that it isn’t different right now. This is our starting point. This is your new starting point.

And from here, you can figure out a plan. You can create a shift. This is where I think the fun begins. And where I would apply the Evaluate, Shift, Heal framework. So whether you’re into journaling, or you do more mindful reflection, or you soundboard, or you voice record yourself, I’ve got some prompts and questions for you.

1. What is your current relationship with your credit card like? Be honest with yourself. What is it like? What does it feel like in your body? What seems to come up around it? What thoughts are just automatically right there?
2. What would you ideally, like that relationship to be like? What would it feel like? What would it look like? What ways would you be using your credit card? How would it feel to pull it out? All of these things.
3. On a scale from 1-10, how satisfied are you with your current relationship with credit cards? So we’re kind of reflecting on that first prompt – that first question about your current relationship. And on a scale of 1-10 (1 being completely unsatisfied, 10 being “hell yes!” completely satisfied wouldn’t change a thing) how satisfied are you with your current relationship with credit cards?
4. On a scale from 1-10, how close do you feel to your ideal relationship? 1 is not close at all, 10 being “I’m there, I’m living it.” So what number would you pick? And why did you pick that number? What does that number mean to you?

After you’ve answered those four questions, which are the baseline or the groundwork for Evaluate (which is part of the Evaluate, Shift, Heal framework), then from there, you can start looking at the kinds of things that came up.

In the previous episode, Episode 39: How to Journal More Impactfully, you were given tools for diving in! In particular, the 5 W’s and 1 H – Who, What, Where, When, Why, and How.

So when you start looking at things, here you’re going to start to formulate questions like: What rules about credit cards was I given? Where does the guilt come up with my credit card? When does the guilt come up with my credit card? Why does it elicit that feeling?

So you’ve already done the groundwork for Evaluate, now you’re just diving in a little bit further.

And then from there, you can shift those things to be more in alignment with the ideal relationship that you outlined that you would like to have.

Here are some more questions to help you explore there: What would make me feel more empowered with my credit card (or substitute “empowered” with whatever types of feelings you would like to feel)? How can I begin incorporating those things now? What new beliefs or fa
cts can I replace the old rules with?

For example, we’re already started to do that in taking the idea that you alone are radically responsible – the sole responsible individual/person/party – for your credit card and for your situation with credit cards. We’re changing that, and saying “no, there’s actually a lot more at play here. There’s a whole constellation of things at play here.”

You’re already doing it. You’re just going to continue looking at the other rules and continue to do the same.

And throughout this process, continue to extend compassion and grace to yourself through all of this. That’s really the groundwork for Heal. You were doing the best you could to survive with what you were given. What you were given may have been not great. May have been shit. And theirs is no shame in that. Because it’s what you were given. But also, now you get to change it. You get to put that down and you get to pick up something or create something better for yourself.

Knowing all of this, how do you feel about your credit card now? Keep working through the framework, keep uncovering what you can, and keep working towards changing those systems – that is the only way to change the conditions in which we all live. It has to be paired with all the other stuff. It’s not just the inner work – it’s the outer work as well. But doing the inner work can make it a bit easier to approach the outer work.

That shame and guilt – like we said before – is there to keep you stuck. It’s to keep you from looking at it deeper, from going “hm, couldn’t this be different?” And from dreaming up and envisioning a better system for everyone.

So keep that in mind.

Now go kick some guilt butt! With the tools you have from this episode, with the questions, and with the tools you already have yourself from other episodes, from other areas of life, from other sources – go kick some guilt butt!

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